MEET THE PRESS: "THE PRESIDENT IS RECEIVING SIGNALS FROM ALIENS"

Tim Russert has completely turned over Meet the Press to Ken Mehlman and Bob Shrum -- it's a free-for-all of Republican sound bites and Shrum's more pertinent answers.

Finally! Russert interrupts...and for what? To ask about the Mary Cheney remark! Great, Tim. Should Senator Kerry apologize? Shrum says absolutely not, Bush did so badly in the debates that they had to find something to rail Kerry about. Shrum addresses Lynne's "bad man" remark. He's indignant. Tim plays the clip where Dick Cheney addresses his daughter's homosexuality. So why all the outrage now, he asks? Mehlman says it's because Kerry brought it up to make it a political point. This sucks. Now Mehlman is talking about the Edwards remark about people getting up from their wheelchairs and walking if Kerry gets to fund stem cell research.

Oh goody! Tim interrupts, "I want to talk about stem cells!" It's my show! Let me say something!" Shrum is too good, so Tim changes the subject to the draft. Shrum's good again. How about the flu vaccine shortage?

Mehlman blames it on trial lawyers. Tim says, "So John Kerry's responsible for the shortage?"

Well, kind of, according to Mehlman. "Is it fair," Tim asks, "to blame the president for the shortage?" Shrum is the hottest I've ever seen him. He relates it to the president's "you're on your own" culture.

Russert finally hits the "I never said I wasn't concerned about Osama Bin Laden" Bush gaffe and plays the rebuttal tape. "So he did say it," says Tim. Mehlman says there's no reason to be concerned since Bush has him on the run, since three out of four of his top guys have been caught.

Shrum points out that the president flat-out told an untruth. Cites all the problems in Afghanistan.

Quickly, now, why should we re-elect Bush? Mehlman: To make sure our country is stronger and safer and we have more hope and because Bush tells us the truth.

Why elect Kerry? Shrum: He's defended this country before, he'll defend it again, and fight for the middle class.

Tim's final question for them: What's the bulge in the back of the suit? Mehlman says you've got us, the president is receiving secret signals from aliens, you heard it here on Meet the Press. "That tailor is no longer working for the president."