INHOFE'S PERFECT FAMILY?

Re the ridiculous debate in the Senate over defense of marriage: Congressman Jim Inhofe (R) of Oklahoma, who is so proud that none of his family in "recorded history" has experienced a divorce or homosexual.

Well, Jim, The Sage and I have five children and (we're only just early-50-ish) so far four grandchildren (we're currently waiting on our next!), so maybe we can't compete in numbers. And no, we don't have a divorce or gay yet... but in our larger family we have multiple divorces (including one impending painful one with our oldest son and his wife), the loss of a beloved step-nephew and a very close first cousin of mine to AIDS and thank goodness, a very well-adjusted lesbian niece whom we all love and support.

You think it's a cause of celebration and mark of virtue (as long as there's no proof otherwise) that your family is exempt from the challenges that so many American families have to face? Well, we're not weirdos. We are America. We love our children, we love those they love.

The Sage and I married while we were still in college. I was a (forgive me, I did it for my mother) beauty queen, a Miss Florida finalist, a Florida Citrus Queen, Florida Seafood Queen, etc., while The Sage was recruited all over the nation as a compeittive swimmer and ultimately became the cutest Florida State University cheerleader ever. We are not WEIRDOS, we are a 30-year-plus happily married couple who have grappled with kids with HDHD, drugs, premarital sex, and every other challenge faced by normal American families.

Sure, I wish the kids could have skimmed through life without having to face more than the mimimum challenges. But that's not the way it worked out. And it's not the way it is for most American families. The Sage and I have spent a lot of time during the past 20 years counseling families about the same things we encountered in raising our own five kids. And I guess without going into the personal details of each family, I'd have to say that the bottom line that we always get to is that, forget what you've been told. Every night when the kids are abed, creep into their rooms, watch them in their sleep and remember how much you loved them when they were born, when they were most adorable in later times, and realize that they are real human beings apart from their parents and have challenges of their own.

I remember the day I discovered a sexy Christie Brinkley poster behind our "handicapped "(cerebral palsy) oldest son's closet, was relieved that he was heterosexual -- not because hetero was a superior lifetstyle, but because it was easier. He already had so many challenges, I was glad. But if he had been a "homo" I could not have loved him less.

Okay, I'm finished with this rant. But I felt I must register a most heartfelt opposition to Rep. Inhofe's smug assertion of non-divorce, non-homosexual "superiority."

Boy, his kids must be under a tremdous pressure to conform to his prescious ideal.